A Day For EarthBound Zero
Unlike a lot of you, I played EarthBound Zero before I came to this website. Yeah, that's right. I'm better than you. Yeah, I did all this stuff that you only did 'cause everyone else was doing. Bandwagon freak.
Okay, maybe I got off to a bad start. But the sticking point remains: don't wash dogs that are tanks.
Okay, so maybe that isn't the sticking point. But the point remains that I am going to get the article off the ground if it hurts other people besides myself. If it doesn't, it's probably not worth it.
Once upon a time, Radiation. He played EarthBound. It really sucked (according to one other guy) but he played it anyway. Radiation thought EarthBound was cool. Radiation was a wacky guy and was not very old and liked hugging people. Radiation often liked to see Spot run, a rare oppurtunity where Radiation lived.
But I digress. One day, Radiation's cool older brother's friend who was always lending Radiation's family NES games and CDs and N64 games with maxed out stats and Radiation's family kept on ending up destroying the files somehow told Radiation about a mystical game that was sort of EarthBound. "See, in Japan, they have this game called Mother. It's EarthBound, except it's before EarthBound and it's on the Nintendo and the graphics suck. And they call EarthBound Mother 2. Get it?" Well, Radiation got one thing: "There's another EarthBound game for the NES, which means I can play it on a ROMulator and my dad can get it and maybe we can go out for ice cream and I'll probably get chocolate because it's my favorite flavor even though it makes my stomach hurt." And so, he asked his dad to download "EarthBound for the Nintendo" at work because Radiation didn't have the internet and he needed his dad to get the ROMs for him.
Radiation's dad brought a floppy disk home with EB0 on it. Radiation totally put it in and stuck it in the folder with NESTICLE (the emulator of Radiation's brother's friend's choice). Now his crash-prone spiffy-phone Windows 95 was packed with ROMs. Lufia I, some hacked SMB.nes ROMs, and Final Fantasy 5. You could barely fit anything else in, because his hard drive only had 300 MB of free space left on it.
Anyway, he played it. No walkthroughs. No idea. No chocolate ice cream.* And it was cool. Radiation learned the many intricate details of the EB0 game. He learned to abuse Offense Up and Defense Up because they were actually good. He learned that gang members can use swords. He learned that robots can sing. It was almost over.
He was missing a melody, though. His brother found it for him when he played EB0.
Mount Itoi was stupid. Then he fought Geigue. This was the hard part. What was Radiation to do? He dealt about ~30000 damage to Geigue with no result. "Well, maybe after I deal so much damage, the Pray command will show up." No result. After the fourth try, Radiation decided he would CHECK Geigue to see his weakness. "Well, this is Queen Mary. Say, did you watch the game last night? Crazy, huh? Oh yeah, anyway, Geigue hates singing. Sing at him. Okay?" WELL GOSHDARNIT HOW DO YOU SING
On the twelfth day of Christmas, Radiation reasoned that Geigue was stupid and he should just Run. But behold! Run had turned into Sing! Just like Queen Mary said: "When all goes sissy, you'll hear your harmonious inner voices unite. That's a bug. Ignore it." Then Geigue exploded because he only liked rock music. And who the heck was the fat guy at the end? Well, he was wearing pants.
I don't know what this article is about. And neither do you. At least not yet. All that stands true is IRC:
[Faolan] mmm
[Faolan] Gorillaz - Dirty Harry
[Radiation] All I know about Dirty Harry was that it was a book about a dog.
[Radiation] I don't know about any of the other things.
[Radiation] But Dirty Harry was made in 1980 and it was about a dog that played and played and got really dirty and then when he came back to his family they didn't recognize him.
[Radiation] Then they gave him a bath and it turned out he wasn't their dog at all but really a tank
[DarthAndonuts] and so he shot them all in the face
[robodex] keep telling yourself that
[Radiation] He proceeded to level the house.
[DarthAndonuts] now you're talking my kind of story
[Radiation] Moral: Don't wash dogs that are tanks
And that is why pot is still illegal.
*Well, not yet.
Unlike a lot of you, I played EarthBound Zero before I came to this website. Yeah, that's right. I'm better than you. Yeah, I did all this stuff that you only did 'cause everyone else was doing. Bandwagon freak.
Okay, maybe I got off to a bad start. But the sticking point remains: don't wash dogs that are tanks.
Okay, so maybe that isn't the sticking point. But the point remains that I am going to get the article off the ground if it hurts other people besides myself. If it doesn't, it's probably not worth it.
Once upon a time, Radiation. He played EarthBound. It really sucked (according to one other guy) but he played it anyway. Radiation thought EarthBound was cool. Radiation was a wacky guy and was not very old and liked hugging people. Radiation often liked to see Spot run, a rare oppurtunity where Radiation lived.
But I digress. One day, Radiation's cool older brother's friend who was always lending Radiation's family NES games and CDs and N64 games with maxed out stats and Radiation's family kept on ending up destroying the files somehow told Radiation about a mystical game that was sort of EarthBound. "See, in Japan, they have this game called Mother. It's EarthBound, except it's before EarthBound and it's on the Nintendo and the graphics suck. And they call EarthBound Mother 2. Get it?" Well, Radiation got one thing: "There's another EarthBound game for the NES, which means I can play it on a ROMulator and my dad can get it and maybe we can go out for ice cream and I'll probably get chocolate because it's my favorite flavor even though it makes my stomach hurt." And so, he asked his dad to download "EarthBound for the Nintendo" at work because Radiation didn't have the internet and he needed his dad to get the ROMs for him.
Radiation's dad brought a floppy disk home with EB0 on it. Radiation totally put it in and stuck it in the folder with NESTICLE (the emulator of Radiation's brother's friend's choice). Now his crash-prone spiffy-phone Windows 95 was packed with ROMs. Lufia I, some hacked SMB.nes ROMs, and Final Fantasy 5. You could barely fit anything else in, because his hard drive only had 300 MB of free space left on it.
Anyway, he played it. No walkthroughs. No idea. No chocolate ice cream.* And it was cool. Radiation learned the many intricate details of the EB0 game. He learned to abuse Offense Up and Defense Up because they were actually good. He learned that gang members can use swords. He learned that robots can sing. It was almost over.
He was missing a melody, though. His brother found it for him when he played EB0.
Mount Itoi was stupid. Then he fought Geigue. This was the hard part. What was Radiation to do? He dealt about ~30000 damage to Geigue with no result. "Well, maybe after I deal so much damage, the Pray command will show up." No result. After the fourth try, Radiation decided he would CHECK Geigue to see his weakness. "Well, this is Queen Mary. Say, did you watch the game last night? Crazy, huh? Oh yeah, anyway, Geigue hates singing. Sing at him. Okay?" WELL GOSHDARNIT HOW DO YOU SING
On the twelfth day of Christmas, Radiation reasoned that Geigue was stupid and he should just Run. But behold! Run had turned into Sing! Just like Queen Mary said: "When all goes sissy, you'll hear your harmonious inner voices unite. That's a bug. Ignore it." Then Geigue exploded because he only liked rock music. And who the heck was the fat guy at the end? Well, he was wearing pants.
I don't know what this article is about. And neither do you. At least not yet. All that stands true is IRC:
[Faolan] mmm
[Faolan] Gorillaz - Dirty Harry
[Radiation] All I know about Dirty Harry was that it was a book about a dog.
[Radiation] I don't know about any of the other things.
[Radiation] But Dirty Harry was made in 1980 and it was about a dog that played and played and got really dirty and then when he came back to his family they didn't recognize him.
[Radiation] Then they gave him a bath and it turned out he wasn't their dog at all but really a tank
[DarthAndonuts] and so he shot them all in the face
[robodex] keep telling yourself that
[Radiation] He proceeded to level the house.
[DarthAndonuts] now you're talking my kind of story
[Radiation] Moral: Don't wash dogs that are tanks
And that is why pot is still illegal.
*Well, not yet.
